If I Swallowed a Fish...

In my high school, the race to become student body president was always a big popularity contest. I could never understand why, given that student council actually seemed to require a lot of work ... which never got done ... which, come to think of it, probably explains why we never had decorations at dances or even a high school reunion.

The best speech I ever heard during student council elections was given by a 'new kid' who happened to be last in the queue to speak. After everyone else had gotten up and promised "longer lunch hours!" [cheers], "less homework!" [cheers], and "scrunchies at the school store!" [uncomfortable pause ... golf claps], our hero made his way to the podium, looked at the other candidates next to him, and said (as if he was a character in Heathers), "High School is bullshit." As the teachers rushed towards the podium to silence him, he pulled a live goldfish out of a plastic baggie filled with water, held it high over his mouth to show that it was alive, and dropped the flapping fishy right down his throat. As the teachers stopped dead in their tracks, he swallowed and managed to mumble, 'vote for me' into the microphone before walking calmly back to his seat next to the other candidates.

Of course, he won by a landslide, and that year student council was more productive than ever.

That said, I'm probably not going to swallow a live fish, but I would appreciate your vote for Best Gay Blog. Vote for me! If I win, I promise more male cheerleaders, a curriculum including gay pulp friction (i mean...fiction), and in depth sex ed classes for all. OK. FINE. If I win, I'll swallow a live fish. Happy?