Contacts

Q: How drunk is too drunk?

A: When you try (repeatedly) to take out your contacts lens without actually realizing that you don't have them in. Oops!

And yes, thankfully I still have my corneas.

OK, I'm really not a lush - but I realized last night that having a few drinks while extremely tired probably isn't a good idea. I should have know the night would take a turn for the worst when I finished my first drink at Starlight and found a little surprise. I almost didn't notice it. I had already taken my last swig of rum&coke and was standing there, discussing the fact that gay men seem to have lost all fashion sense, when I happened to glance down into my empty glass.

"Hmmmm," I pondered. "What's going on down there at the bottom?" I held the glass out to B. in true taste-this-it's-terrible fashion. "Ahhhh..Get it away!" he screamed. Holding the tumbler over a candle, I was even more horrified at the unidentified mass - which seemed to be organic. Was it a space alien? Was it a scab from someone's elbow that had somehow made it to the bottom of my glass?

I called the bartender over and asked him to have a look. His only response: That's nasty, man. What the hell is it?

"Um, I was hoping you would know." He quickly grabbed the glass from me and tossed it into the trash. Interesting. "What were you drinking?" he asked as he held a new glass up to the light to make sure there were no surprises. "Rum and coke," I responded - hesitantly. "You sure you want to stay with that, buddy? I mean, that shit was nasty" ... At that point, I really should have just politely declined my free 'replacement' drink and went back home to my empty, but comfortable bed, but no... I had duties. I had responsibilities. I had to show my friend a good time on his last night in town. "Hey, I'm brave." I told the bartender, "Oh, and make it strong ..."

Famous last words. Famous last words, I tell you.