May 2004 Archives
The trees have been 'planted' and no one seemed to notice so far. I have to say, they look pretty good.
Join the ranks of the rich, famous, and ... um ... almost nude! Our friends from PANT at Galapagos are always on the lookout for male cuties that want to break into Burlesque and share their talents with the world.
Pssssst. Performers receive a small honorarium.
**"PANT is no longer at GALAPAGOS!!! The party will be moved in the near future to an undisclosed location!! Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts with Galapagos' booking and PANT, the short lived (yet sucessful!!) party will be reincarnated soon..STAY TUNED!!"
Pssssst. Performers receive a small honorarium.
**"PANT is no longer at GALAPAGOS!!! The party will be moved in the near future to an undisclosed location!! Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts with Galapagos' booking and PANT, the short lived (yet sucessful!!) party will be reincarnated soon..STAY TUNED!!"
Today, while walking down the street, I heard a frantic pounding. A woman was standing inside a building, behind a glass door, knocking to get my attention. Her bag lay at her feet - as if it had been knocking for days and had just given up and laid down and die.
For a moment, I just stopped in my tracks. Slightly shocked, I approached the glass doors as the woman frantically screamed, 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!' I grabbed the handle of the door and pulled. No luck. I pulled harder (now really, who do I think I am) ... no luck again (surprise!). By this time, a crowd had started to gather. The woman, practically in tears, tried to go back in the building - but alas, she was trapped between two sets of glass doors. She could not go in. She could not come out. Trapped. And just like an ameba between two glass slides, she stood there, sweat dripping off her forehead, as the crowd watched through her oily handprints which by now had covered the doors
I began to press all of the numbers on the buzzer/intercom - but the building seemed frighteningly empty. Finally, an attractive man in a tight business suit and a flashy tie signaling his homosexuality stepped up next to me. He smelled good. Very calmly, he pointed to the wall a few feet from the woman and mouthed, 'Press the button.' Sometimes wisdom comes without any sound at all.
Hesitantly, the woman pointed towards the button and looks up at the mysterious man. He just smiled. She leaned into the button - so slowly that I thought she would never stop - when suddenly, there was click. A click that signaled this damsel's freedom. Rescuing her bag from its lowly position at her feet, the woman brushed her hair back and emerged from the building - as the crowd applauded. Yes, my friends, the crowd actually applauded. They applauded the fact that the claustrophobic woman was finally free. They applauded the fact that I stopped to help a stranger. And they applauded the very sexy man that was smart enough to solve the problem without uttering a word.
For a moment, I just stopped in my tracks. Slightly shocked, I approached the glass doors as the woman frantically screamed, 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!' I grabbed the handle of the door and pulled. No luck. I pulled harder (now really, who do I think I am) ... no luck again (surprise!). By this time, a crowd had started to gather. The woman, practically in tears, tried to go back in the building - but alas, she was trapped between two sets of glass doors. She could not go in. She could not come out. Trapped. And just like an ameba between two glass slides, she stood there, sweat dripping off her forehead, as the crowd watched through her oily handprints which by now had covered the doors
I began to press all of the numbers on the buzzer/intercom - but the building seemed frighteningly empty. Finally, an attractive man in a tight business suit and a flashy tie signaling his homosexuality stepped up next to me. He smelled good. Very calmly, he pointed to the wall a few feet from the woman and mouthed, 'Press the button.' Sometimes wisdom comes without any sound at all.
Hesitantly, the woman pointed towards the button and looks up at the mysterious man. He just smiled. She leaned into the button - so slowly that I thought she would never stop - when suddenly, there was click. A click that signaled this damsel's freedom. Rescuing her bag from its lowly position at her feet, the woman brushed her hair back and emerged from the building - as the crowd applauded. Yes, my friends, the crowd actually applauded. They applauded the fact that the claustrophobic woman was finally free. They applauded the fact that I stopped to help a stranger. And they applauded the very sexy man that was smart enough to solve the problem without uttering a word.
Hmmmm. It seems that BoiFromTroy has put together a little get together in NY. I may have to go just to slap the republican out of him.
He even made the above image. What I find weird about it is that there are no actual NY bloggers listed on the invite. It'll be fun to see who shows up.
He even made the above image. What I find weird about it is that there are no actual NY bloggers listed on the invite. It'll be fun to see who shows up.
It's legal. At least in MA. Yippie. (I had a drink in your honor tonight).
It also makes me happy that this was the Top Story on Reuters.
It also makes me happy that this was the Top Story on Reuters.
As I entered the building this evening, I was greeted with a hallway full of smoke. 'Great,' I thought, 'The three inches of crude oil that leaked out of boiler onto the basement floor has finally ignited.' But, before I could evacuate the building, my nose got the better of me. This smoke wasn't caused by a fire.
I ventured inside.
I slowly climbed the staircase through the haze. Hardly able to see in front of me, I noticed that bad-techno-neighbor's door was open - exposing a 6 foot hooka in the middle of his floor - spewing 'smoke'. Someone spoke, 'Duuude, I think we did something wrong - this can't be right - I need to get out of here. It's too much even for me.' Some sketchy looking 'dude' ran into the hallway and pushed past me - heading down the stairs and out into the fresh air. Bad-techno-neighbor stepped into the hallway. I tried to speak his language, 'Um, dude, is our building on fire?'
He looked at me with a dazed expression, 'What do you mean?' I replied, 'Duuuuude, don't you see the smoke? I can hardly see in front of me.' Backing into his apartment and closing the door, he mumbled back, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' [slam]. I shrugged my shoulders and began climbing the stairs up towards my apartment when I heard the door squeak slowly open. Just sticking his head out, bad-techno-neighbor looked at me with his glazed eyes and called out with honest-to-god fear in his voice, 'hey dude, if the building's on fire, make sure you tell me, ok?'
'Sure,' I thought as I heard his bad techno pumping in the background, 'sure thing duuuuuuude.'
I ventured inside.
I slowly climbed the staircase through the haze. Hardly able to see in front of me, I noticed that bad-techno-neighbor's door was open - exposing a 6 foot hooka in the middle of his floor - spewing 'smoke'. Someone spoke, 'Duuude, I think we did something wrong - this can't be right - I need to get out of here. It's too much even for me.' Some sketchy looking 'dude' ran into the hallway and pushed past me - heading down the stairs and out into the fresh air. Bad-techno-neighbor stepped into the hallway. I tried to speak his language, 'Um, dude, is our building on fire?'
He looked at me with a dazed expression, 'What do you mean?' I replied, 'Duuuuude, don't you see the smoke? I can hardly see in front of me.' Backing into his apartment and closing the door, he mumbled back, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' [slam]. I shrugged my shoulders and began climbing the stairs up towards my apartment when I heard the door squeak slowly open. Just sticking his head out, bad-techno-neighbor looked at me with his glazed eyes and called out with honest-to-god fear in his voice, 'hey dude, if the building's on fire, make sure you tell me, ok?'
'Sure,' I thought as I heard his bad techno pumping in the background, 'sure thing duuuuuuude.'
In further neighbor news, the new deadbeat-downstairs-neighbor has taken to playing bad techno music as loud as his stereo goes until the wee hours of the morning. The music is so loud, in fact, that he could not hear me pounding on his door for 15 minutes at 3 in the morning. It was so loud that it made my floor vibrate and gave me the experience of walking on a bouncy trampoline as I made my barefoot way to the phone to file the second noise complaint of the evening. (OK...the commercials don't tell you have UNhelpful the 311 operators really are).
'Ah,' you may say, 'get some earplugs and you'll be fine.' Been there, done that, doesn't work - the music was so loud that I could still feel the beat surging up from beneath me. So - what could I do but take a sleeping pill ... drugs solve everything, don't they?
Apparently my downstairs neighbor had the same idea. When I confronted him today, he told me that he had done a lot of drugs and passed out (why he had not heard me knocking) with the music blasting. Sadly, I believed him - swollen eyes at 8 in the evening and all. Even more sadly, his music has been playing til 4 or 5 in the morning every night this week. That's quite a drug trip.
Actually, the music is playing even now. Any advice on how to deal with the situation?
Sincerely,
Sleepless in Manhattan
'Ah,' you may say, 'get some earplugs and you'll be fine.' Been there, done that, doesn't work - the music was so loud that I could still feel the beat surging up from beneath me. So - what could I do but take a sleeping pill ... drugs solve everything, don't they?
Apparently my downstairs neighbor had the same idea. When I confronted him today, he told me that he had done a lot of drugs and passed out (why he had not heard me knocking) with the music blasting. Sadly, I believed him - swollen eyes at 8 in the evening and all. Even more sadly, his music has been playing til 4 or 5 in the morning every night this week. That's quite a drug trip.
Actually, the music is playing even now. Any advice on how to deal with the situation?
Sincerely,
Sleepless in Manhattan
Walking home with a very attractive girl walking a very attractive bicycle, I was totally unprepared for what was to occur next. The universe sometimes works in mysterious ways. As we neared the non-descript doorway into the universe that is my life (ok...maybe not my life...more like my apartment) ... a woman walking towards us, talking to no one in particular, just muttered out, 'penis'. Frozen in our tracks, N. and I looked at each other, looked back at the woman in unison, looked at each other again: Did she...? Yes, I think she did just ... Penis.
At that point, we both almost fell over laughing ... in hysterics. I know, I know ... real mature. But really, what is life if not laughable?
Oh, and I had fish today! If it wasn't for the fact that the left side of my tongue swelled up to monstrous proportions, I almost wouldn't have known that my 13 years of vegetarianism had been broken.
...and if you happen to be any one of the four hot men sitting at the table behind us at Go, my number is ...
At that point, we both almost fell over laughing ... in hysterics. I know, I know ... real mature. But really, what is life if not laughable?
Oh, and I had fish today! If it wasn't for the fact that the left side of my tongue swelled up to monstrous proportions, I almost wouldn't have known that my 13 years of vegetarianism had been broken.
...and if you happen to be any one of the four hot men sitting at the table behind us at Go, my number is ...
I need a new pair of sneakers that aren't falling apart ... a pair that won't sound like wet farts when I walk in the rain. I was quite embarassed today - and I think even I would have made fun of me had I seen ... no, scratch that, heard myself walking down the street. Now I just need to decide what kind of sneakers to get.
My current pair was Sketchers, but I won't EVER buy another pair now that the grumpy store clerk in their Broadway store informed me that they don't sell shoe laces because they 'aren't supposed to wear out before the shoes themselves'. My ass!
My current pair was Sketchers, but I won't EVER buy another pair now that the grumpy store clerk in their Broadway store informed me that they don't sell shoe laces because they 'aren't supposed to wear out before the shoes themselves'. My ass!
The Jackie Factory makes me love NYC even more than I thought possible. I just can't wait til the Night of a Thousand Stevies at the Knitting Factory. Life just doesn't get any better.
During the tech boom, my grandmother took the money she had saved for her funeral and invested it in the stock market. Thinking that she could make a small fortune that could get her to Vegas and back, she had no clue that the tech boom was soon to turn into the tech bomb.
About a year later, the company went under - leaving my grandmother flat broke. As she sat in her chair and cried, muttering about how she wasn't going to have a proper funeral, we tried to console her, "Don't worry, Granny," we said. "We'll take care of it. We'll just bury you in the backyard!"
For some reason that made her cry even more.
I hope for my own sake that she's been saving up again - she's a big woman, and I don't want to get stuck digging the hole in the backyard.
About a year later, the company went under - leaving my grandmother flat broke. As she sat in her chair and cried, muttering about how she wasn't going to have a proper funeral, we tried to console her, "Don't worry, Granny," we said. "We'll take care of it. We'll just bury you in the backyard!"
For some reason that made her cry even more.
I hope for my own sake that she's been saving up again - she's a big woman, and I don't want to get stuck digging the hole in the backyard.
