Wake Up

I originally purchased my alarm clock because it had two different alarms (with separate buttons) and boasted some uber-loud beeping to wake up even the deepest of sleepers. Uber-loud ... yes, that's actually what the package said - and it was NOT an understatement. Each alarm is a different pitch: one is low, the other high. I usually opt for the low and set the high a half hour later as a backup of sorts. Although they are equally annoying, they get the job done - sounding like a mix of an air-raid horn and the warning sirens at nuclear power plants. This alarm clock has cost me relationships ... annoyed my neighbors ... and driven at least one neighborhood dog to the point of insanity ... but I've never overslept. And isn't that the important thing?

This alarm clock was supposed to allow me to sleep deeply without worrying about oversleeping. In actuality, the simple device has trained me to fear its piercing scream. A fraction of a second before the alarm rings/buzzes/beeps, a tiny 'pop' emanates from the speaker. It is this sound that I have learned to recognize from dream-land. Before the ring/buzz/beep even gets a chance to reach my ears, the 'pop' signals what is about to come and I have just enough time to launch across the bed, find the appropriate button combo through my stupor, and de-activate the bomb .. i mean ... alarm clock. It's a pretty impressive physical feat for someone just waking up. It's really all a lesson in the power of fear ... And if you don't trust me, you'll just have to spend the night and find out for yourself.