Twist and Shout
I should have seen this coming. My bathroom door has been giving me trouble for a couple of weeks - I just never thought it would come to this...
Rewind to:
12:45 - Drink nice cold glass of water to keep hydrated.
12:51 - Close bathroom door to prevent sounds of the leaky farrah faucet from keeping me awake.
12:52 - Apply Chapstick to prevent dry lips.
12:53 - Climb into bed, hit the lights, and ponder insomnia.
12:59 - Oddly enough begin sleeping soundly.
Fast-forward to:
4:15 - Roll over in bed (slightly awake) and realize that I need to go to the bathroom.
4:16 - Ponder the fact that my bathroom is so close that I probably don't even need to leave the bed ... just open the bathroom door, which can be reached from my bed.
4:17 - Realize this is a bad idea.
4:26 - Finally get out of bed and walk to the bathroom door ... I twist the knob, and lo and behold, it comes off in my hand. The door remains closed. The knob remains in my hand. A little piece of plastic that does some little piece of magic inside the door to make it open has fallen mysteriously to the floor. I poke and prod the exposed insides of the door knob mechanism - nothing seems to work.
4:28 - I get my screw driver and begin to disassemble the door knob completely. Halfway through this process, I realize that the other side of the knob will fall onto the tile floor in the bathroom and likely crack the tile. I play with the insides a bit more and realize we are dealing with serious fuckage.
4:30 - I walk to the kitchen and ponder using the kitchen sink.
4:31 - I realize that this is a poor idea at best.
4:32 - I sit on the foot of my bed, staring at the door, thanking my lucky stars that I was not inside the bathroom when the knob decided to twist off into my hand. Realizing I most likely would have been trapped in my tiny (and that's being generous) bathroom for days ... I begin to think what's in my medicine cabinet that is actually edible.
4:35 - Halfway through this exercise, I realize that I really do have to use the bathroom.
4:36 - Grabbing my screwdriver, I change the handy-dandy magnetic head from phillips to flat and have a go at the hinges. I pop them one by one, lift the door away from the frame, and walk into my now-doorless-bathroom. 4:38 - Ah. Relief.
Fast-forward to:
4:45 - Lying in bed. Listening to the water drip into the tub. Wide awake.
4:50 - Drag my tired ass out of bed, pop a nice little pill, and hope that I'm out soon.
5:00 - Insomnia? My ass! The universe is out to get me, I tell you.
Rewind to:
12:45 - Drink nice cold glass of water to keep hydrated.
12:51 - Close bathroom door to prevent sounds of the leaky farrah faucet from keeping me awake.
12:52 - Apply Chapstick to prevent dry lips.
12:53 - Climb into bed, hit the lights, and ponder insomnia.
12:59 - Oddly enough begin sleeping soundly.
Fast-forward to:
4:15 - Roll over in bed (slightly awake) and realize that I need to go to the bathroom.
4:16 - Ponder the fact that my bathroom is so close that I probably don't even need to leave the bed ... just open the bathroom door, which can be reached from my bed.
4:17 - Realize this is a bad idea.
4:26 - Finally get out of bed and walk to the bathroom door ... I twist the knob, and lo and behold, it comes off in my hand. The door remains closed. The knob remains in my hand. A little piece of plastic that does some little piece of magic inside the door to make it open has fallen mysteriously to the floor. I poke and prod the exposed insides of the door knob mechanism - nothing seems to work.
4:28 - I get my screw driver and begin to disassemble the door knob completely. Halfway through this process, I realize that the other side of the knob will fall onto the tile floor in the bathroom and likely crack the tile. I play with the insides a bit more and realize we are dealing with serious fuckage.
4:30 - I walk to the kitchen and ponder using the kitchen sink.
4:31 - I realize that this is a poor idea at best.
4:32 - I sit on the foot of my bed, staring at the door, thanking my lucky stars that I was not inside the bathroom when the knob decided to twist off into my hand. Realizing I most likely would have been trapped in my tiny (and that's being generous) bathroom for days ... I begin to think what's in my medicine cabinet that is actually edible.
4:35 - Halfway through this exercise, I realize that I really do have to use the bathroom.
4:36 - Grabbing my screwdriver, I change the handy-dandy magnetic head from phillips to flat and have a go at the hinges. I pop them one by one, lift the door away from the frame, and walk into my now-doorless-bathroom. 4:38 - Ah. Relief.
Fast-forward to:
4:45 - Lying in bed. Listening to the water drip into the tub. Wide awake.
4:50 - Drag my tired ass out of bed, pop a nice little pill, and hope that I'm out soon.
5:00 - Insomnia? My ass! The universe is out to get me, I tell you.
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